


Midnight Strolls

by Dylanobrienisbatman



Series: Collections K [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 21:24:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4195458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dylanobrienisbatman/pseuds/Dylanobrienisbatman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke has left and everyone, especially Bellamy, is devastated. To clear his mind, whose thoughts always go back to her, Bellamy begins taking late night walks. He soon notices that he isn't the only person who frequents the destinations he chooses but he never quite expected it to be Clarke who shares hideouts with him.</p><p>K</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coping

Bellamy

_ I looked at her, not for the first time but this was the first time I looked at her without malice. Maybe it wasn't malice that I had felt towards her. I never hated her, but I sure as hell didn't like her. She challenged me. She didn't listen to me and she made it painfully clear that she didn't like me. She didn't particularly like any of the 100, but me especially. So when she was so willing to give Atom a peaceful and quick death, rather than the one he was en route to having, something changed. My feelings for her changed. She wasn't an adversary or an obstacle. She was a compatriot, she was my equal. But now she's gone. _

Bellamy shook his head. He could spend his time on guard duty matching his memories of their growing relationship second for second (he had already played it out in full once but found himself starting over), but that wasn't going to change the fact that she had left him. They had come a long way from their first days on Earth, days filled with challenges and arguments. After Atom's death, he realized he needed her. They balanced each other out. He thought tactically and she thought emotionally. He was the muscle and she was the brains, as much as he hated to admit it. She was smart and strong and beauti... 

"Stop," he muttered to himself. "She's gone. Don't think about her. And don't you dare finish that sentence."

He checked his watch. Five more minutes. He just had to make it five more minutes and then he could return to his tent where he could be alone. Well, more alone. He wouldn't have other guards turning to look at him every five seconds. The adults, they still didn't trust him. He didn't blame them, he did shoot Jaha, but he atoned for his sins. He was sent to live down here wasn't he? What he experienced on Earth should outweigh his wrong doings. Clarke leaving was punishment enough...

Miller tapped him on the shoulder, startling him a bit.

"Hah. Never thought I'd see Bellamy Blake jump," he quipped.

"Never thought I'd see the day where I shoot you. Could those be the same day, do you think?" He snapped back, reaching for his gun. He grimaced inwardly. "Sorry, not enough grounders to shoot these days."

"Uh huh..." Miller, just like the rest of the remaining 100 knew Bellamy was on edge and they also knew the excuses he always gave were absolute bullshit. Clarke leaving affected all of them, but they knew it was worse for him. They don't know exactly when it happened, but they remember his feelings shift for her. From hatred to respect to camaraderie to friends to... No one dared finish that sentence, but they didn't need to. They just knew.

Bellamy quickly turned back to camp, not pretending that he hadn't stolen a glance to the woods just incase those blonde curls came bouncing over the horizon. They didn't, but here's to hoping. 

He made his way back to his tent, avoiding eye contact with everyone. He had done that for weeks since she left, kept his head down or straight forward. If someone did stop to talk to him, they got one word answers if they were lucky. Usually they received grunts or nothing at all. It took a few days for everyone to get the hint, even Octavia backed off. She would still give him a pat on the shoulder and a soft "I love you, brother" but there were no more attempts at conversation. He was grateful for this. He felt bad, he knew he wasn't the only one who suffered, who lost a friend but he couldn't face them. He felt guilty every time he looked at any of them. He also blamed them for Clarke leaving, which he knew wasn't fair but it also wasn't fair for her to leave him. But the world isn't fair, he had learned that often enough.

Once inside, he began stripping off his guard uniform, swapping it for the pants and t-shirt that lay on his bed. He was only in his underwear when he heard someone try to sneak into the tent.

"Knock knock." Raven. He could hear the smirk plastered across his face.

"Did you ever consider, Reyes, that when the tent flap is down, it's because someone wants to be left alone, or is, I don't know,  _naked_?" 

"Nothing I haven't seen before, Blake." She responded. He rolled his eyes and quickly slipped his pants on and turned to face her.

"Coming back for seconds, then?" He quipped. She arched a brow like she was considering it, then shook her head. "What can I do for you, then?"

Her face softened, and she was suddenly unable to meet his eyes. He knew what this meant, their conversation was headed towards Clarke. If not directly about her, it would be about how he is feeling or coping or getting on or sleeping or some other unbearable conversation that happened every time she popped around. Raven was the only one who would touch the subject, but Raven was also one of the most stubborn people he knew. And Raven can't stand to deal with people moping about. She couldn't even deal with herself moping about. I mean, look at the recovery time for both situations regarding Finn...

"How are you holding up these days?" She asked.

He rolled his eyes, saying nothing. He could tell she wanted to say more, but she didn't she never did. Raven was probably the only person who knew exactly how he felt about her. Others had guessed, but Raven knew it long before he had even admitted it to himself. She knew that when they slept together, it wasn't only her dealing with the fact that Finn chose Clarke, but him dealing with the fact that Clarke was with Finn. They had a mutual understanding about that night, which was probably why he allowed her to breach the subject.

“Bellamy, I know about those midnight strolls you take. Every night. Do you ever sleep?”

That one caught him off guard. He hadn’t slept more than 3 hours since she left, and he was always lucky if he got that much. He thought he had been careful about his nightly activities. She seemed to notice the shock of the question. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot, waiting for some sort of explanation.

“I just need to clear my head. Nothing to worry about. I’m surprised you notice, I thought Wick would be keeping you busy when I begin my me time.”

She scoffed. “First off, Blake, you have me time every second of every day because you don’t let anyone talk to you. Second, are you jealous? I know I am good, but we both know I’m not the one you want to share your bed with every night.” 

Both their eyes widened as they took in the last half of that sentence. Raven knew she stepped too far, but Bellamy couldn’t even deny it.

After what felt like a few minutes, Raven continued. “Where do you go?”

“Out,” was all he said. Then he picked up his jacket and left.


	2. Bearing It

Clarke

_Ping._ She was laying on a portion of parachute that was fastened to form a hammock in the drop ship when she heard it. She sat up, making as little noise as possible. She had set up a few alarms around the area so she could flee if anyone came. She had to wait for a second alarm to make sure it was a person and not a rabbit or a two-headed deer. 

 _Ping_.

"Damn," she muttered. He was early. 

\--

When she left Camp Jaha after the events of Mount Weather, she didn't know where she was going to go. Clarke almost always had a plan, but she was walking blind after she made her decision to leave. She had no destination or goals, just a urgent need to get away from her people. She couldn't face them. She knew they wouldn't judge her for what she did. Well, most of them wouldn't. They would  _thank_ her, which is worse, probably. She killed people. Hundreds of people. Innocent people. She didn't deserve thanks, she deserved punishment and exile. Some days she would even say she deserved to be floated.

She was surprised to find that she had been headed in the direction of Mount Weather. She didn't know why at first, but when she got there, she knew what she had to do. She started with Maya. Then the children. Then the people Monty and the others told her had helped them fight agains the Mountain Men. It took a few days to build each individual grave and carry each person to it. But she felt better after she did it. It didn't atone for her mistakes, it barely even dented her guilt, but it made a difference. 

After she laid all of the Mountain Men to rest, she returned to the drop ship. She didn't know why, but it was where her feet led here. She talked to Wells for a while. She sat at his grave and apologized for everything she had done. She knew somewhere he was listening, even if it was just her head. It was by his grave that she heard someone coming. She climbed a nearby tree as fast as she could manage without making a sound and perched on branch once she was at a safe distance above ground.

 _Bellamy_. She couldn't believe it. The second she saw his dark hair she knew it was him. He combed his fingers through it and let out a sigh as he made his way through the camp that the 100 had created. He sat down a couple of times but was too restless to stay in one place. She was looking down on him, deciding if she should make herself known or remain in the trees.

She decided she wasn't ready to face him. As pleasant as it was to see that he was safe and okay, it was hard to look at him. She loved him, differently than she had loved Finn, but she loved him. She couldn't stand him when they first came down and it took nearly a week for her to tolerate him. They butted heads more than once, but at some point, she grew to respect him. She credits the time they found the guns in the bunker as the moment she respected him. She saw something in him that day, she knew he could be more, be better. He showed a vulnerability that she hadn't expected. Since that moment, she watched him grow. She would never have forgiven herself if something had happened to him when she sent him into Mount Weather. She was already upset that she let him keep his hand on hers when she pulled the lever. _It wasn't fair to him, I should have protected him more._ She had let Lexa convince her that love was weakness, and after telling Bellamy in not so many words that she cared deeply for him (the words "I can't lose you, too" echoed in her head) she had delivered a big fuck you by sending him in to Mount Weather. She winced at the memory.

As she began to turn her body away from him, she noticed that he wasn't just aimlessly moving about anymore. He had started picking up the remains of the grounders, and undoubtedly some of the 100, that had been laying about the camp due to the ring of fire. The burned skeletons had littered that camp for days while Clarke had been there, but she couldn't do anything about it, especially when she would look at the spot where she thought Finn and Bellamy had been when the door to the drop ship had shut.

After a few hours, four or five maybe, half the camp had been cleared. The remains were piled high outside the wall, but the area inside looked much more inviting. After resting on a rock around where the fire pit had been, he left, never once looking in the direction of Clarke's tree.

He had come the next day, to finish cleaning the charred bodies out of the camp. And the day after that he brought a shovel and dug graves for them all. But after that, he only came once every three days, and only ever after dark.

\--

Clarke hurried from her hammock and ducked out of the drop ship. She ran behind it to a gate that she had made in the fence so she could make fast escapes in cases like these. Then she crept around to her tree, making sure she was quiet. She had since perfected her climb up to her perch. She didn't even scrape bark off the trunk anymore. She had just made it to her perch when he entered camp. He kicked at a rock, harder than usual. Something was off. He was angry, but it was a different anger than she was used to seeing from him. She had seen him about to kill Murphy out of pure anger and rage. But this anger seemed sad and directed inward. It was the kind of anger that people cried and screamed over. She wanted to hold him, comfort him, but she still wasn't ready to face him. They had been playing this little game, well it was entirely one sided, for more than 3 weeks. She watched him in the dark, pacing around a fire that he always started in the pit. Sometimes he sat, sometimes he slept (or pretended to), sometimes he cried, and sometimes he talked. 

She hadn't seen him for a few weeks. She usually went to the bunker where they found those guns on the days she knew he would be coming round. She watched from her perch, the setting sun was the only light that would shine on him until he lit a fire in the pit that the 100 used to light on a nightly basis. As he angrily paced the camp, she wondered what had caused his early arrival. He had been out of breath when he arrived, making her think he had run at least part of the way there. She racked her brain for reasons why he could possibly be in this mood. Her first guess was Octavia and Lincoln, that relationship had always driven him crazy. He was too protective of Octavia, he didn't even see that Lincoln would die for her as soon as Bellamy would. It could also be Kane or Abby setting him off, if not both. She knew it was hard for him to adjust to these authority figures again. She suddenly realized she was thinking of things to say to him about that: "I know they are annoying but they mean well..." or "Bellamy, just relax for a bit. For once we are safe."  _We_. She didn't have time to contemplate what that we meant, because at that moment, Bellamy started yelling. 

 


	3. Letting It Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am kind of on a creative role, so forgive me if it comes off sloppy. I get so excited about the idea that pops in my head that I don't take the time I probably should to review it...
> 
> Let me know your thoughts. x

Bellamy

"AAAAHHHHHHHH," he bellowed. "Are you FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!"

He didn't know what caused him to get so angry. Raven hadn't said anything outrageous to push him over the edge. She was just showing concern. She was the only person who could show concern in a non-patronizing way. He definitely appreciated that. But she was right, their night together had been fun, arguably one of the best he had had since landing on Earth, but she wasn't who he wanted. He had been building up his emotions for weeks. He thought about how he felt with Clarke leaving and how everyone looked at him and talked about him and what happened at Mount Weather, but he couldn't say anything. She was off "bearing it so they don't have to". But what about him? He was stuck bearing it inside the camp gates, looking at all the faces  _she_ gets to avoid. He'd had enough. 

"YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS TO  _BEAR_ THIS CLARKE! I  _NEED_ YOU!" He picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could at the drop ship.  _Clank_.

Suddenly, a twig snapped. He spun around so fast he almost lost balance.

"I am sure these strolls of yours are meant to be times of personal wallowing and manly brooding, but I believe that those screams alerted all of the grounders to your exact location," Octavia said with a smirk. She walked through the gates with Lincoln in tow.

"O. Lincoln," he nodded a greeting to the giant towering over his sister. "Can I ask why you followed me?"

"I would say that we are concerned but you wouldn't allow that, so I am going to go with we were bored," Octavia rebuked. She sighed and looked to Lincoln, who nodded as a response to a silent conversation that Bellamy was not a part of. Lincoln walked to entrance of the drop ship and pretended to be entertained by the parachute that hung down across the doorway. Octavia rolled her eyes at him, he clearly hadn't gone far enough away but then seemed to realize that he wouldn't ever let her out of his sight and turned to Bellamy. "You know, it's nice to hear you let at least some of what you are feeling out. It's not healthy to be as quiet as you have been since..."

Bellamy stood there, eyes to the ground. "Don't ask me to talk about it with you, O, because I won't." He lifted his eyes to hers for the last part to make sure she got the message. She sighed.

She looked at Lincoln, who quickly moved his eyes back to the drop ship. Bellamy turned towards him, too, surprised to see him move inside the parachute curtain.

Octavia quickly wrapped her arms around her big brothers waist before he could resist. He was shocked but he moved his arms to her shoulders and embraced her, pulling her tight. The hug lasted all of 5 minutes before they released and cleared their throats.

"Bell, I know you love her," She raised a hand and continued before he could respond. "Don't argue, I know. And I also know, that you aren't one for discussing how you feel about something. But this isn't healthy. You suffered in similar ways as she did. You pulled that lever, too, and you have to live with that. But you aren't healing. I am pissed at her for leaving you to deal with this alone, but that is what she needed to do. Wherever she is, she is healing. You need to do that, too. Otherwise, when she gets back, you won't be where you need to be in here," she pointed to his head, "so that you can be with her." She had moved her hand to his heart. 

"I don't deserve that peace, O. I killed people. Hundreds of people. When she does come back, if she comes back, I don't deserve her love."

Octavia grabbed his hand. "I don't think anyone at camp believes that except for you, and it wouldn't be the first time that you're wrong."

At some point Lincoln had walked over to the Blake siblings. He put his arm around Octavia and a hand on Bellamy's shoulder. "She's right, you know."

After standing in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, the three turned towards the gates. Bellamy noticed that Lincoln's gaze was focused on the trees, but he put it off as his grounder senses detecting a squirrel.

 

 


	4. Overdue Reunion

Clarke

They had left hours ago, but Clarke remained in the tree. She didn't have the energy to move. It was like the wind had been knocked out of her. 

She had left partly because she needed to heal and deal with the death that was caused by her hands. A part of her also thought it would be easier for her people to heal if they didn't have to see her face. Any after the conversation she just heard, she had to finally admit to herself that it wasn't her people's feelings at all she was concerned for, but instead it was just one person's: Bellamy's.

And he LOVED her. She had known on some level that he loved her. She had suspected it for a while, but since she was still recovering from the Finn drama, she pushed it out of her mind. Until now. She knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight. There was too much to think about. Like, is he still coming back tomorrow? Should she go to the bunker? Does Lincoln actually know that she was there? She could have sworn they had locked eyes...

She slowly climbed down the tree, still afraid to make noise but also not able to divert enough energy from her busy mind to her body. She frequently replayed him yelling her name and the hurt that was present behind the screams. She would counter the pain that she felt from that sound with fluttering of her heart and stomach that came from the realization that he loved her. She was so caught up in the different memories of the conversation between Bellamy and Octavia that she missed a foot hold and slid the rest of the way down the tree.

"Ow. Oh. Well, damn," she muttered. She had landed on her back, she didn't feel blood anywhere, but she knew there were going to bruises and scratches to deal with. 

It took a few seconds to get up, but she finally managed to push herself off the ground. She stumbled back to the drop ship, she was going to be in more pain than she anticipated. 

\---

Clarke was right about not being able to get any sleep: she had spent the night replaying the entire conversation she had spied on in her head. It seemed that there was at least an hour spent on each sentence, dissecting each word and the inflection that was placed on it. The two words that stuck out the most were "need" and "love".

She rolled out of the hammock. It had to be 9 AM at least. She needed water and food. She was still sore from her fall the day before, so she decided to stay close to camp for the rest of the day. By the time she readied her canteen and spear, the muscles in her back had loosened up a bit. She set out on a short hike to explore the area. It wasn't like she didn't know the trees and the trails, but she was wandering. She was moving, that is what she needed to do. She was in less pain than she thought she would be in, but she knew that the second day is always the worst. She had begun to notice that she was pacing, much like Bellamy had been the day before. She could think about the conversation and what he said, but thinking about him pacing was different and she was't allowed to do that, so she moved to her next plan of action: the hunt.

At this point, she was just running through the motions. She had been hunting and foraging for herself for the past month now, it was nearly second nature. It took her maybe two hours to catch a rabbit, and another to fill her canteen and walk back to the drop ship. She skinned her catch like she had been taught by the hunters from the 100. She started the camp fire and put the rabbit on the spit, seeing her friends in the flames, how they used to sit around this fire doing whatever the hell they want. She laughed at the memory. She realized that wasn't a sound she had heard in a long time. It didn't last long, though, because the chuckles were replaced with sobs. She had spent the day thinking about the happiness that some of her friends words brought her, and not basking in the the guilt that her actions brought. Now she was thinking about the blood on her hands from Mount Weather and then she flashed to the image of Bellamy screaming about her and she felt guilty for making him bear that alone, causing her to sob harder.

"Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two different things."  

The deep voice came from behind her. She jumped, startled and disappointed in herself for not being more alert. She should have known. This was the day he was on schedule to return to the drop ship, yesterday was just an anomaly. 

It took her maybe a second to clear her face before she turned around to face him.

"Bellamy, I'm sorry," she whispered to him. She couldn't quite bring her eyes to meet his. His words from yesterday, especially the anger in them, came back to surface of her memories. "I figured your first words to me would be 'fuck you' rather than the ones that I actually need to hear."

"Don't worry, my second words to you were going to be 'fuck you' followed by 'how fucking dare you' followed by 'do you have any fucking idea what I have been going through since you left." The anger in his voice was growing with every word. 

"They are all warranted phrases to yell at me. But you should know that I regretted leaving the second I did but I couldn't turn back because, you know," she rolled her eyes and pointed to her head. There was no point in denying to herself that she was stubborn anymore, it was definitely common knowledge to everyone. "I needed time to think and deal with what I did - sorry, what  _we_ did. But had I realized how much you needed me I -" 

"How did you..?"

"You came early yesterday. You come to the drop ship every three days and I make sure to go somewhere else for the night. Usually that bunker we found those guns in? But I wasn't expecting you. Luckily I had reset my alarms and you tripped them and I could move in time... I just barely got to my perch in the tree when you reached the drop ship..."

Bellamy looked like he was putting pieces of a puzzle together, contemplating things in his head.

"Heh. I should have known. That weird two headed dear thing is always in a different spot whenever I come by but I always assume it's because I moved it and forgot. And that explains why Lincoln couldn't stop laughing yesterday..."

A silence settled over them. It only lasted a few seconds before Bellamy walked towards Clarke. "Why didn't you leave today then, if I am so predictable?" By the time he finished the question his face was only a couple of inches from hers. His face was almost blank, it still held traces of the anger he harbored earlier, but his eyes were...well, she couldn't look into them without feeling guilty and blushing so she couldn't get a good read.

"Well, I guess part of me was thinking that because you came yesterday, you wouldn't be back today..."

"That doesn't sound like the only thing that you considered..."

"And I guess, after your performance yesterday, I realized I wouldn't totally mind if you did catch me here." Clarke noticed she was starting to do that thing with her feet that girls in movies do when they are totally crushing on someone. She couldn't stay still so she was just blaming her fidgeting feet on that, but she also knew that there was the L word floating in the air around them.

Bellamy smiled. It was short lived but it was definitely there. It was replaced by the angry, determined face that she was familiar with. Not completely angry, but it was that classic Bellamy face. "You know princess, I don't know what you  _think_ you heard yesterday but...not everything I said was...don't believe everything you hear.."

Clarke was finding humor in the situation of Bellamy Blake being at a loss for words. She was getting ready to voice her amusement, but before she could, his lips were on hers and his hands were running through her blonde curls.

It was the first time they kissed yes, but it was also the first time in over a month where they were connected and on the same page. And it was the first time they were both rendered speechless.


End file.
